In my last blog I talked about the huge old oak tree that had been cut down just below the surface of the soil so that we could allow more sun to shine in our back yard and plant a beautiful garden. Because the roots of that big old tree had never been dug up it sends tiny new saplings springing up and for the past five years we’ve cut them down. This year I had a vision of big red juicy jersey tomatoes picked warm and sliced up for scrumptious tomato sandwiches and so I chose to plant a tomato garden where the old oak tree once stood. However, even though you could not see the roots of that big old tree they were still there under the surface of the soil and once again sent up little saplings reaching for the sun in the middle of my healthy and strong tomato plants. The soil was rich with nutrients because I was sure to add top soil and fertilizer before planting and my Jersey tomato plants to assure they were strong and healthy. But it would not be long before those saplings took over and began to drain the water and nutrients from the soil and steal the much needed sun from the now struggling tomato and basil plants. The saplings and roots had to go!
This is a clear picture of what can happen in a marriage. A marriage appears to have everything it needs in the beginning to be healthy and strong. We are attentive and loving towards one another, serving one another and spending time together. Often putting our spouses needs first as we want to put our best foot forward! The marriage is new and appears healthy but if there have been previous sexually intimate relationships it is not long before the newness of the relationship wears off and the enemy finds a loop hole. Our guard is down and those old roots in the form of past relationships can begin to steal the nutrients and sun from our marriage. Saplings spring up causing contention.
Its been said that fear is the dark room where negative thoughts are developed! We might begin to hear lies like, “Henry would have never forgot my birthday” or “If I’d married Sam I would have a new car and a nicer home” and on and on and on. We may find ourselves day dreaming of what our life would have been like if we’d married Tom who has no health problems, financial problems or family problems. We may hear a lie that says “I should have NEVER married HIM” or “If I were single I wouldn’t have to be cleaning up dog crap because I wouldn’t have a dog” and on and on and on. Little lies that will eventually turn into huge trees in the midst of our beautiful garden of marriage!
Dr Amen calls these ANTS. Automatic negative thoughts and we must learn to step on them and smash them as fast as they enter our minds. ANTS must be dealt with but that is a future blog! For now I want to focus on why the enemy can use some of these thoughts to wreck havoc with our marriage.
There may be contention because of the fact that we have bonded and “become one flesh” in a past relationship. We have not given 100% of ourselves to our spouse because we had already given so much of our self to someone else or in some cases multiple partners. Because scripture classifies every other sin as being outside of the body, sexual sins are in a category by themselves. The old roots have to go! Some marriage problems occur because the bonds have never been spiritually and consciously broken. Our marriages can be free from the haunts of past intimate relationships and made fresh and new!
1 Corinthians 6:15-20 (NASB) is one of the key passages that helps us understand and know an important core truth in regards to pre-marital sexual relationships in which “two have become one flesh” hence sexual bondage occurs. Relationships regarded biblically as sin and which can become saplings and later oak trees that stand in the way of a vibrant and healthy marriage the way God intended it to be!
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” 17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the[a]immoral man sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a[b]temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from [c]God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
It just makes sense that if you did something to “become one flesh” you must do something to break that bond. Yes you can break off a relationship physically and never see that person again but they still have a part of you until you take it back and break that bond spiritually!
God makes it clear it is our responsibility to not let sin reign in our mortal body and not to obey its lusts. (see Rom. 6:12) What must we do and not do in reference to the use of our bodies? Please read verse 13.
“Do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God”.
We can see through this scripture that there simply isn’t any way you can commit a sexual sin and not use your body as an instrument of unrighteousness. According to scripture, if or when you do, you are allowing sin to reign in your mortal body.
Dr Neill Anderson, published author and Christian psychologist says, “confession alone will not resolve this”.
In some cases you may not be married. There are very important steps to take to set you free to one day give not just your hand in marriage physically but your entire self, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, to the one you love!
I wish I could take credit for the following but I most definitely can’t. The following information is taken from Dr. Neill Andersons book, Discipleship Counseling. In his book he outlines a plan to get rid of any saplings or in some cases oak trees that have grown between us and our spouse and are the result of sexual sin. (my analogy)
I (Neill Anderson) have learned that helping others accomplish complete repentance requires them to pray and ask the Lord to reveal every sexual use of their bodies as instruments of unrighteousness. As the Lord brings each one to mind, renounce every sexual use of your body as an instrument of unrighteousness and ask God to break the sexual and emotional bond with those people. Conclude by presenting your body to the Lord as a living sacrifice. We are urged by the mercies of God to do that.
Romans 12:1-2 (NASB)
12 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, [a]acceptable to God, which is your [b]spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this [c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may [d] prove what the will of God is, that which is good and [e]acceptable and perfect.
SEXUAL BONDING
Bonding takes place when un-holy sex is committed. The person has become one flesh with his or her partner. Tragically, that is true even in the case of incest or rape. The body is used as an instrument of unrighteousness. The temple is violated. This can be resolved in Christ so that you do not have to stay in bondage.
We are warned to flee from any form of immorality because it is a self-destructive sin that we commit against our own bodies. God and satan both know our weakness to sexual passions. Satan plays on this weakness, but God provides a way of escape. In truth, we have already died to sin, and our lives are hidden in Christ (see Col. 3:3). But it is necessary to affirm the truth that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that in Christ we are free from the bondage of sin.
BREAKING THE SEXUAL BONDAGE
Many married couples have been involved in premarital sex, either with each other or other partners, and that has robbed them of the joy of their relationship in marriage until the past experiences have been renounced. Problems in their marriage were resolved after dealing spiritually with past situations by going through the Steps to Freedom. This further illustrates how the spiritual dimension of our problems affects the whole person: the body, the soul and the spirit.
DEAL WITH SPECIFIC ISSUES
Lord, I ask you to bring to my mind every sexual use of my body as an instrument of unrighteousness, so that, in Christ, I can renounce these sexual sins and break their bondage. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
As the Lord brings to your mind every sexual use of your body, whether it was done to you, (as in the case of rape, incest, or sexual molestation) or willingly by you, renounce every occasion by praying this prayer:
Lord, I renounce [Name the specific use of your body] with [name any other person involved]. I ask you to break that emotional and sexual bond with [name].
Pray that prayer for each person and/or activity as God brings it to mind.
For example, “Lord I renounce having sex with George and ask You to break that sexual and emotional bond”. Or, “Lord I renounce the molestation by my Uncle and ask You to break that bond”. If you can’t remember names you can just say, “the guy in the bar” or even, “that girl whose face I see in my mind”. Whatever would identify the experience. It is not a matter of admitting something to God that He is not already aware of but of bringing into the light something performed in secret in order to break the bondage.
The types of unrighteous sexual uses of the body that should be renounced include the following:
- Premarital Sexual Activity
- Extramarital Affairs
- Homosexual Behavior
- Pornography (magazines, books, movies, videos)
- Sexual Perversions and compulsive behavior (masturbation, sexual fantasies, inordinate sexual appetite, anal or oral sex, use of devices)
- Prostitution (heterosexual or homosexual)
- Sexual Perversions
- Abortion
- Rape
- Pedophilia
- Child sexual abuse or incest (molestation)
Sexual spirits (this would include any kind of sexual experience you’ve had at night that seemed to be with another personality, but no physical presence was observed; this can be very frightening and degrading.)
Remember detail is not necessary…
If satan brings graphic detail and tries to cause you to relive the experience, pray this sample renunciation prayer:
I renounce the influences of satan and sexual spirits that would cause me to want to relive and exploit my past sexual experiences. I announce the truth that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and that you, Lord, want my entire mind and body to be clean. I again commit myself to You for the renewing of my mind.
Another appropriate prayer to renounce lies one may believe:
I renounce all of the ways that satan has perverted my attitude toward sex as a result of my past involvement. I specifically renounce [pornography, masturbation, oral sex, other forms of perverted sex, homosexuality, etc.]
A PRAYER OF COMMITENT AND AFFIRMATION
When you have finished dealing with specific sexual issues from the past, pray the following prayer:
Lord,
I renounce all these uses of my body as an instrument of unrighteousness, and I admit to any willful participation. I choose to present my eyes, mouth, mind, heart, hands, feet and sexual organs to You as instruments of righteousness. I present my whole body to You as a living sacrifice, Holy and acceptable. I choose to reserve the sexual use of my body for marriage only.
I reject the devil’s lie that my body is not clean or that it is dirty or in any way unacceptable to You as a result of my past sexual experiences. Lord, I thank You that You have totally cleansed and forgiven me and that You love and accept me just the way that I am. Therefore, I choose to do so, to accept myself and my body as clean in Your eyes. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Bless you as you walk a new path of FREEDOM in your marriage!
jeannie's Cross Road 