Holy Valentines Day! While meant to be a day we steep ourselves in warm fuzzy feelings of romance and chocolate covered strawberries for many it is a reminder of failed relationships, miserable marriages and lost love. For some who long to know the “secret” to love – it is a painful day. But for others it is a day to rejoice and melt in the arms of the lover of their youth. What is the secret?
Perhaps our gross dissappointment when it comes to love stems from our ill perceived definition of what love is. Experts tell us that those warm fuzzy feelings that the world expresses as “love” last at most a brief three years! What then? What happens when we no longer “feel” in love with that person we had once entered into the covenant of marriage with. It seems love is something we are forever grasping for and never seem to get a good grip on. It is forever alluding us. Tickling our fancy only to dissapear in a moments time. Are we then destined to live miserably trying tirelessly to get back those lost “feelings?” Why when loving one another is commanded by God does it seem sometimes as if we are climbing Mount Everest with a 500 pound back pack strapped to us?
God says…Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John 4:7-8
Could it be that there is a higher purpose behind this idea, this thought, this command that we must love one another? Could it be that God’s plan and purpose, His design for marriage is to make us Holy rather than make us happy? And it really is more about commitment than it is warm fuzzy feelings.
This writing on “Love” by Kahlil Gibran gives us a hint. When love beckons to you follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the season-less world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.” (emphasis mine) And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, it directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Yes love will seem at times to crucify us, prune us, shake our roots, grind us and sift us. Love is definitely not for wimps! Love then assigns us to his sacred fire, that we may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast. How are we EVER to understand that? Difficult I know. But I must trust. I must believe that the Almighty Living God, Creator of me and the universe knows best! I must resolve myself to the fact that I won’t always understand.
God tells us His ways are higher than our ways in Isaiah 55:8-11 (Msg) “I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.
Think about that for a moment! In practical terms, what if while in the midst of each conflict, and yes we know we all have them! Instead of jumping in and trying to find the way and words we would need to use to prove “our side” to get across how “right” we are, we instead consciously thought, Lord I choose YOUR way in this. I choose the Higher way. Sanctify my mind and heart and let me respond in a way that is pleasing to you.
Consciously is the key word here. Of course as women we all know that we are rarely “wrong”. Right or wrong is not what’s open for discussion. It is the “how” and “why” that’s at question! The issue is really not as important in God’s eyes as how we respond. Can we love even in the center of an unlovable heated discussion? Can we respect our spouse even when we feel unloved and disrespected? Can we trust God to take care of His daughter enough that He will let our husband know in His own way just how wrong he is?
So what is the “secret” to loving? It is commitment… It is choosing to love consciously and unconditionally… It is allowing God to love through us when we don’t “feel” like loving! It is giving up our “right” to be right. It is taking the Higher road! It is putting Christ at the head of our relationships.
Psalm 127 unmistakably shows us His heart…Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is in vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep! Lord help us to let YOU be God in every area of our lives!
If a COUPLE is committed to putting God first in all areas of their relationship, to knowing and putting into practice His love letter (the Bible) to them, there is no storm that can’t be withstood.
Listen to this passage from Matthew 7:24-25 NASB: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock, “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
If you are someone who dreads this day, God wants you to know that HE LOVES YOU! He wants to be your Valentine! He wants to be in your marriage with you and as we choose to serve Him in our marriage, He promises it may greatly change our view of what Valentines Day is meant to be!
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