Big MIKE… little mike!

Father forgive them for they know not what they do!

Some of Jesus last words as he hung on the cross.Truer words have not been spoken!  Jesus fulfilled His destiny.  We too are destined by God to fullfill our purpose if we believe! God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us.

Sitting at a Seder table, celebrating the Passover on Holy Thursday a couple and their little boy sat down across from us.  My friend said to the little boy, “Whats your name?”  ”Mike” he said. As we introduced ourselves to the couple, they in turn introduced their selves as Amanda and Mike.  Oh, Judy said, your “big Mike”.  Quickly and loudly so everyone would hear, the little guy proudly piped up and said, “And I’m LITTLE MIKE!”  I sensed that had his name been Charlie or John he wouldn’t have been quite so proud.  But he had been called by his fathers name.  Mike.  It was evident that he was elated to have the same name as his daddy.  Throughout the meal he would listen to the Seder readings and instructions and then turn to watch “Big Mike”.  When “Big Mike” broke his matzoh so did little Mike. When Big MIke dipped his parsley in salt water to represent the tears shed by the Hebrews during slavery, so did little Mike.

1 Peter 1:3-5 (NASB) says,

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Nothing we did!  Nothing we do will ever deserve what God did for us!  It was all grace!  It was all mercy!  Just as His birthday was a gift to us, likewise His dying and resurrection was an even greater gift of grace.  Through the death and resurrection of Jesus we are given a living hope and, if we admit we are sinners – believe – and commit to trust Him with out lives, doing life His way, not in our own ability but in the power He has given us, we are given ETERNAL life.

1 Thessalonians 5:4-11

…for you are all sons of light and sons (and daughters!) of day. We are not of night nor of darkness; so then let us not sleep as others do, but let us be alert and sober. For those who sleep do their sleeping at night, and those who get drunk get drunk at night. But since we are of the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

Searching the web I found hundreds of video’s of babies and children caught on camera imitating their daddies sneeze, smile, mannerisms and yes unfortunately even curse words!  Just like little Mike children grow up to be imitators of their parents!  While this tells us that we need to be careful what little eyes hear and see, it is also a great example of how we too should imitate our Heavenly Father!

Like little Mike, we are called by our Fathers name!  We are Christ followers!  We have inherited His Spirit!  Are we watching closely to see what our Heavenly Daddy does?

He tells us, to those who believe He has given us power- incomparably great power, power that is like the working of His mighty strength!  The same power that raised Christ from the dead!  (Ephesians 1:19)

He has given us the power in Christ to say of those who have transgressed against us… who played a part in the drama of our life, who have despised, abandoned and rejected us… lied and caused us pain, tears, and anguish, “I forgive them for they know not what they do.”  Just as He, Jesus, said of those who crucified Him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  Amazing!  Maybe its time we get out of the boat!  Maybe its time we do what seems like the impossible and be imitators of our Heavenly Father!

Holy Valentines Day

Valentines Day! While meant to be a day we steep ourselves in warm fuzzy feelings of romance and chocolate covered strawberries for many it is a reminder of failed relationships, miserable marriages and lost love. For some who long to know the “secret” to love – it is a painful day. But for others it is a day to rejoice and melt in the arms of the lover of their youth. What is the secret?

Perhaps our gross dissappointment when it comes to love stems from our ill perceived definition of what love is. Experts tell us that those warm fuzzy feelings that the world expresses as “love” last at most a brief three years! What then? What happens when we no longer “feel” in love with that person we had once entered into the covenant of marriage with. It seems love is something we are forever grasping for and never seem to get a good grip on. It is forever alluding us. Tickling our fancy only to dissapear in a moments time. Are we then destined to live miserably trying tirelessly to get back those lost “feelings?” Why when loving one another is commanded by God does it seem sometimes as if we are climbing Mount Everest with a 500 pound back pack strapped to us?

God says…
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John 4:7-8
Could it be that there is a higher purpose behind this idea, this thought, this command that we must love one another? Could it be that God’s plan and purpose, His design for marriage is to make us Holy rather than make us happy? And it really is more about commitment than it is warm fuzzy feelings.
This writing on “Love” by Kahlil Gibran gives us a hint.
When love beckons to you follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.  He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the season-less world where you shall laugh,

but not all of your laughter,

and weep,

but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.” (emphasis mine)

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, it directs your course.  Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Yes love will seem at times to crucify us, prune us, shake our roots, grind us and sift us.  Love is definitely not for wimps!  Love then assigns us to his sacred fire, that we may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.  How are we EVER to understand that?  Difficult I know.  But I must trust.  I must believe that the Almighty Living God, Creator of me and the universe knows best! I must resolve myself to the fact that I won’t always understand.

God tells us His ways are higher than our ways in Isaiah 55:8-11 (Msg)

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
“For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed.
They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.
Think about that for a moment! In practical terms, what if while in the midst of each conflict, and yes we know we all have them! Instead of jumping in and trying to find the way and words we would need to use to prove “our side” to get across how “right” we are, we instead consciously thought, Lord I choose YOUR way in this. I choose the Higher way. Sanctify my mind and heart and let me respond in a way that is pleasing to you.
Consciously is the key word here. Of course as women we all know that we are rarely “wrong”. Right or wrong is not what’s open for discussion. It is the “how” and “why” that’s at question! The issue is really not as important in God’s eyes as how we respond. Can we love even in the center of an unlovable heated discussion? Can we respect our spouse even when we feel unloved and disrespected? Can we trust God to take care of His daughter enough that He will let our husband know in His own way just how wrong he is?

So what is the “secret” to loving? It is commitment… It is choosing to love consciously and unconditionally… It is allowing God to love through us when we don’t “feel” like loving! It is giving up our “right” to be right. It is taking the Higher road! It is putting Christ at the head of our relationships.
Psalm 127 unmistakably shows us His heart…
Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain.
It is in vain for you to rise up early, to retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep!

Lord help us to let YOU be God in every area of our lives!

If a couple is committed to putting God first in all areas of their relationship, to knowing and putting into practice His love letter (the Bible) to them, there is no storm that can’t be withstood. Listen to this passage from Matthew 7:24-25 NASB:
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock, “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.

If you are someone who dreads this day, God wants you to know that HE LOVES YOU! He wants to be your Valentine! He wants to be in your marriage with you and as we choose to serve Him in our marriage, He promises it may greatly change our view of what Valentines Day is meant to be!

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DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED IN CONNECTICUT? How to answer our children…

Did you hear what happened in Connecticut? It was the question of the day. Phone lines are buzzing. All over the county, the United States, most likely all over the world. Did you hear what happened in Connecticut is being asked by our families, by our teachers, our friends, and our pastors. It is being asked in line at our grocery stores. In our churches and bible studies. It was asked while dining with a group of girlfriends last night. Finally, it is being asked by our precious children on their bus ride to school, on the playground and in the lunch room.

We can try to shield them from the horror of this tragedy but the truth is it will affect every one of them in one way or another just as it has affected us. Our children are bound to hear it! How do we handle that? What do we say to them to put their active little imaginations to rest? Do we ignore their innocent questions and fearful eyes? Simply put no.

The definition of trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience; Emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury…

Tim Clinton says, “trauma is best understood as any event that shatters our sense of safety. Immediately, one can become hyper vigilant—overly sensitive and set on emotional alert. Fear rules, especially in kids. The pictures online screamed of the horror. In these moments, children need adults who are attuned to their emotions and tender to their needs.”

As we pray for those families, teachers, the school and the entire community of Newtown we must also pray for children everywhere whose sense of safety has been disrupted. We must meet their vital needs as their deep rooted fears seek answers. When they come to us and ask, “Mommy did you hear what happened in Connecticut?” or “Mom will someone do that in my school?” We must not, in our uncomfortableness and through our tears, brush them off. But how do we address this unspeakable tragedy with our youngsters?

The following, “Six “T’s” for Helping Kids through Trauma” was written by Tim Clinton Ed.D., LPC, LMFT. It is excellent advice to help our most precious gifts deal with this tragedy.

Togetherness. This is a night where your kids need to have you close. They need to know they’re safe. Pull in together as a family. Pray together. Be together. The antidote to trauma is safe, loving relationships. Coddle your children a little bit more. Stay in close proximity to them, particularly if they’re anxious or afraid.

Touch and Tenderness. Touch is an expression of affection that reinforces proximity and closeness. It produces a calming affect. Fear makes our minds race and wander, but tender touch dispels it. Hold a hand. Stroke your children’s hair. Let them sit in your lap. Wrap your arms around them. Kiss them. Be present emotionally. If they’re acting out a little bit with anger, rebellion or defiance, it very well could be a fear response. Be sensitive to their behavior.

Talk. The questions will come: “Will a shooter come to my school?” “Why did he hurt those kids?” Be present, sensitive, and don’t offer pat answers. Engage them in age-appropriate discussion. Contrary to what many of us believe, talk doesn’t perpetuate anxiety—it helps to reduce it. Avoid graphic details, but don’t skirt around the issue. Become a safe place for them to bring their questions.

Truth. Fears of the unknown can paralyze us. Anchor their hearts in truths like, “Not everyone in the world is bad. You’re safe now. God loves us and is close to us.” Remember, our kids absorb us. Your mood, thoughts, and actions directly influence theirs. These truths flow through you–Mom and/or Dad. Share the promises of God’s Word with your kids. Pray for, and with, them.

Triggers. Someone screaming. A door slamming. A siren. What children experience or see on the news can deeply affect them. Don’t let your kids get overdosed with the news stories and all the gory details. This can lead to nightmares, excessive bouts of crying, deepening fear, and not wanting to attend school. Be attuned to your children. Don’t react to their emotions, respond lovingly.

Time. Don’t rush or ignore this process. Over the next several days, we will all be flooded with information about the shooting. Keep your life as normal as possible. Sameness and routine reinforce the message of safety for your kids. Your family stability over time will help dispel their fears. “Our children are not immune to the darkness and brokenness of our world. We may think that if we ignore this incident, our kids won’t know about it or feel the impact. Nothing could be further from the truth! Our kids need parents and teachers—those who have influence in their lives—to be emotionally present and invested, especially in moments like these.”

Mathew 19:14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Tim Clinton, Ed.D., is President of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), He is Professor of Counseling and Pastoral Care, and Executive Director of the Center for Counseling and Family Studies at Liberty University.

The Joy Stocking a “Holy-Day” Tradition

In the busyness of the holiday season it’s easy to get caught up in the movement of the moment and forget about the important things in life.  Our closest relationships, those we love dearly are often brushed aside.  The flurry of activity seems to all start on black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.  We begin to “shop” for the perfect gift to put under the tree for our loved ones.  The house has to be decorated perfectly and of course the tree must go up on the Saturday after turkey day!  Preparation begins for the yearly gathering of family & friends as plans for the perfect “Christmas party” are put into play and the true meaning of Christmas often gets pushed further into the background.

Very simply stated, Christmas is a time of giving because God gave us Jesus, His son, at Christmas.  At Christmas we celebrate Jesus birth, the most supreme act of giving of all time.  When my children were young I wanted desperately to keep their hearts and minds in the right place during this sacred time of year.  A Holy-day that our culture has tried to transform into a “me” centered holiday for children.  So we began a Holy-day tradition. . .

One of the first “decorations” to go up in our home was the “JOY” stocking.  The rules were simple.  Next to the “JOY” stocking sat a pad of paper and a pen.  Every time a sibling, mom or dad did something for you, inspired you or you were impressed with a special Christmas story or poem, it would get written down, folded and put in the “JOY” stocking.  This little activity seemed to totally change the atmosphere of Christmas from “what am I going to get” to what can I do for others… Keeping attitudes in check was an added bonus!  Their focus was placed on helping others more and more as years went by and less and less on themselves. Notes were sometimes simple like “Joy to Dad for putting up the lights” or “Joy to Christina for baking cookies”. At times there were poems or meaningful stories  placed in the stocking.  Year after year the “JOY” stocking was stuffed with love as we reflected Christ’s love for one another.  Many hours of laughter and tears have been shared on Christmas Eve when we would take turns passing the stocking around and reading each others notes of joy.

My children are now grown and have families of their own.  But the “JOY” stocking still gets hung and peaked into when we gather on Christmas Eve.  Each years notes are in envelopes and dated and it is a wonderful walk back in time as we re-live the excitement of Christmases past.

I miss having young children at Christmas but I take “JOY” knowing that now each of my adult children are carrying on our Holy-Day tradition in their own families. Hanging their own “JOY” stockings, they remember Jesus love is the center of their “hustle and bustle”!  As we give to others God’s wonderful love for us is reflected. We remember the gift He gave to us at Christmas, His son Jesus!

Luke 2:10 NIV

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

Almost 2013 Years Ago…

I awoke early this morning to streams of bright light shining through the many windows of our Vermont chalet and filtering through the crack of our bedroom door. I thought wow its time to get up. Going downstairs it was amazingly quiet and doubly peaceful. Especially after spending Thanksgiving for four days with two of our adult children, their spouses, our three grandchildren and 4 very large grand-pups! They had left the day before and even though they would have been sleeping had they been here, there was an emptiness that permeated in the wake of their absence! I was missing them and as tears threatened to slip down my cheeks I thought, “Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened!” I was still expecting to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet or very large paws on the stairs! Now that my children are grown and have families of their own I treasure those times we can actually spend quality time “living” as a (much larger) family while on holiday!

After grabbing coffee I realized It was not daylight at all streaming through the window. Glancing at my phone, it smiled back 4:30 am! Now it was quite apparent that the bright light casting shadows on the floor and down the long winding drive could only be moon light. Beautiful and bright it was illuminating our entire home inside and out. Silence and light. An incredible combination. There was a reverence in the air that was really hard to explain apart from the presence of God in that moment. It was a reverence that challenged me to sit and soak in the light of the moon and the quiet of the morning. It was a time of deep penetrable peace as if I was sitting in the Light of The Lord!

I thought about the Advent of Christmas. Sitting in the peace and quiet of a beautiful moonlit morning and leaving the hustle and bustle of our Thanksgiving with precious family behind, I vowed to keep Christ FIRST this Christmas. After all, Jesus is the Reason for the Season! If I am totally honest, I must admit, I have unsuccessfully made this promise to myself in the past! Only to then be sucked into a vortex of shopping, decorating, cleaning, parties, eating and baking! Jesus IS the Light of the world and the Prince of peace! No matter how enchanting and peaceful the moonlit morning was it does not come any where close to the Light that entered into this dark sinful world almost 2013 years ago…

This coming Sunday we hope to gather with our children and traditionally light the first candle of Advent. The first candle typically represents expectation and the hope that Jesus brought into a sinful dark world. His light that will shine forever in the darkness just as was predicted 700 years before His birth by the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah 9:6, says, “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace…”

Fifty to seventy years later Mathew wrote in Mathew 5:14-15 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house”. I am challenged anew to be a reflection of Jesus this Christmas season. His light in the midst of the darkness. This doesn’t mean that I will be a scrooge and not decorate, bake, party, eat, shop or clean (as much as I would love to skip that last one!) But it does mean that as a Christ follower, in all things that I do I will do it with Him in mind walking alongside of Him and allowing Him through me to shine His love and grace on others. (Col. 3:17)

As this season of hope dawns it is my prayer that you will join me in searching our hearts! That we may look for ways to let Christs light shine through us, so just as the light of the moon lit up this quiet peaceful morning, we too might light up our own little part of the world. Just think how much brighter this world could be!

Colossians 3:17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. NIV

“Not My Will”

On the second part of my journey in Costa Rica we moved from a five star hotel to Cabinas Las Olas in the jungle by the ocean. It was not easy at first, to say the very least.  Leaving a luxurious resort with all the comforts of home and much more, made me realize how quickly I could become spoiled!  I was now waking to a chorus of Howler monkeys living up to their name every morning at 3 and off and on throughout the day.

Must admit I thought I would jump out of my skin on more than one occasion when they let loose from the trees directly above our Cabina!  To make matters worse it appeared at first glance that it would be a treacherous feat just to get to the beach!

The day we moved my son shared he had just killed a scorpion in the shower and was kinder to a much larger one.  He left the second one loose on the beach. His wife had carried her folded towel for a ten minute walk down the long winding wooden walkway (the dangerous feat I spoke of) through the mangrove swamp to the beach. When he shook out the towel for her there it was, a huge scorpion. Needless to say I was looking in every crack and crevice and shaking out every piece of clothing. Must admit I kept my suitcase zipped tight with all my clothes in it our entire time there! It certainly made for much easier packing for our trip home, which by the end of my stay I would have postponed my flight back and stayed even longer if I didn’t have to get home to VOTE!

How disappointed I was when my candidate did not win. I could not help but think of that questionable trek from our Cabina to the beach on that rickety old partially rotted wooden walkway through a swamp… So much like life!

When I would begin the arduous journey down that path it was what was at the end that kept me going. I had done the trek with my husband but on this one particular morning he had left earlier to surf as I sat and enjoyed the jungle sounds and just resting in my Fathers lap. I decided to join him on the beach but knew I had to conquer my fear of that doubtful walkway through the jungle alone to get there. What if I slipped and fell and landed in the muck and mire. I would probably sink out of sight before anyone found me. They would certainly never hear me hollering! Not over the monkeys anyway. It took me a bit but the lure of the beautiful white sandy beach and warm turquoise water and my hubby soon replaced my fear. Off I went. It was what was at the end of the short journey that motivated me to continue “walking that walk”.

At first I stepped quite gingerly but after a while I got a little full of myself and began to enjoy this challenge. I could do this! I knew that no matter what may happen God was with me. He had created this beautiful swamp, the trilling parrots, exotic looking blue birds, howling monkeys and the beautiful white sand beach at the end of the muck and mire that was by the way, popping and clicking with the sounds of who knows what!

I began to almost hop and dance over the three to six-inch gaps in the rotting wood and smaller spaces between each board. Midway down the path was an incredible Costa Rican type pergola with benches that you could sit on and enjoy the jungle or take a break from the stressful path you had just left behind. Whichever it may be. lol.

Yes I did make it to the end and there was my big kahuna standing in the warm balmy breeze waiting for me. The sky blue with white puffy clouds, turquoise water and white sandy beach. Worth the walk! The light at the end of the tunnel of trees through the swamp was my motivation to keep going when the going was rough and scary and the path was questionable at best!

 

That is exactly how I view the results of this election. We are on a crooked path through the muck and mire of life. At times it is a questionable journey and we wonder if we will make it to the end or will we fall in what appears (and I might add, only appears) to be huge cracks and crevices along a rotten path. On that trek down the wooden walkway through the jungle I was sure to reach the end as long as I kept my eyes on the path before me.

 

When it was slanted and twisting and turning, had I taken my eyes off my next step, I would have surely tripped and fallen into the muck and mire. I know that as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, the way the truth and the life I will get to the end of this rickety and questionable path of life. It is in Him that we will have rest! Sure it is more comfortable to live in the five-star hotel of life but outside the walls is the jungle  and our path will sometimes be questionable at best. The reality this side of heaven… However, the jungle can be beautiful if our eyes are fixed on the path He has set before us. He is the One Who is the giver of life. He is the One who determines when we are born and when we will die. He will always be Sovereign whether our officials choose to recognize and abide by His mandates or not and He will have the final Word in the end! I must try my best to walk the straight and narrow walkway of life keeping my eyes fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith… I must respect the leaders, most especially our President, and pray for them as He commands me to do in Hebrews 13:17, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you”.. They will one day give an account for the laws they pass and choices they make and so will I. So what did that trek teach me? There is always a Costa Rican pergola along the way to rest in! When I walk with Him no matter how arduous the walk is, even when it is not the direction I want to take, I know I will see the Light at the end of the tunnel! Following Him means, “not my will but His Will be done”. Choose you this day Whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. . .

 

THE BOULDER IN YOUR PATH

There is a parable that goes something like this…

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Un-forgiveness is very much like the boulder in that parable!  It blocks us from living life to the fullest.  We can try to walk around it, climb over it and sweep it under the rug but when we harbor un-forgiveness in our hearts we are the ones that miss out on the hidden treasures under that boulder!  King David knew this!  He has every reason to strike out with hatred and animosity at Saul and to even kill him on two occasions while he slept.  David knew God had chosen Saul for that time and rather than kill him he forgave him and waited.  Read what he writes in Psalm 25:11-15

For the sake of your name O LORD forgive my iniquity, though it is great

Who then is the man that fears the LORD?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him

He will spend his days in prosperity and his descendants will inherit the land.

The LORD confides in those that fear him, He makes His covenant known to them

My eyes are ever on the LORD for only He will release my feet from the snare

Do you feel as if there is a boulder between you and your spouse?  Well you are not alone!  Thousands of couples are either in therapy or need to be, because of issues that are blocking their relationships from being all that God intended them to be.  Thousands of couples are now seeing life coaches to help them remove the boulders from their path and be able to move forward with their lives.  This is a good thing.  The bible is clear that we are to seek wise counsel when needed.

However, may I make a suggestion?  If you are feeling stuck in your relationship with your spouse and not growing toward one another in your marriage, un-forgiveness may be the culprit!  There may be old wounds that have not healed.  Try this…

Make two lists:  This works best if both are willing, but if not let healing begin with you!

The first list will consist of things you need to forgive your husband for.  Pray and ask God to reveal those hurts to you.  Then fill in the blanks.

1. Honey I need to forgive you for ________________ when you said that,  when you __________ it hurt me.  I’ve been carrying it around with me for a long time and I need to forgive you.

The second list will consist of things you may or may not currently be aware of that you have done to hurt your spouse.  Again pray asking for God to bring to your mind those things you have said or done that have deeply wounded your husband.  Then fill in the blanks.

1. Honey will you please forgive me for ______________ When I said that to you or when I did that to you I could see that it hurt you.  Would you please forgive me.

The two of you can then come together to give and receive forgiveness. When God forgives us of our sins He throws that boulder  into the bottom of the deep deep blue sea and puts up a “NO FISHING” sign.  He expects us to do the same.  When you’ve completed this process throw away the fishing poles!  Do not bring these things up again…  Make a pledge with each  other to not go fishing in those waters ever again.

Now that being said let me add this.  While Forgiveness is an act of the will and something we must do,  wounds still take time to heal.  The actual healing can be a process.  Think of it like this.  I have beautiful white hydrangea bushes with huge big white flowers.   When I cut a bouquet off  the  bush I have just begun the death process of those flowers .  I have cut off the place they get their water and nutrients from.  Do they die right away?  No!    Now, think of the act of the will to forgive another person as the cutting of those stems from the bush.  The flower is  the persons feelings and  it may take some time for your feelings to catch up to what was done.

Dr. Eric Scalise says, “Forgiveness does not equal trust.  A spouse can violate the trust account. You think of trust that has been violated in a marriage, due to adultery or a host of other reasons sexual addiction drinking drugging, Because a spouse is encouraged to forgive it does not mean that that spouse can be trusted that may take some additional time”. 

 God says in Mathew 6:14-15

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”.

Pretty heavy stuff!  But God  would never command us to do the impossible.  He died for our forgiveness so you can bank on the fact that He will enable you to do what He asks and walk with you, instructing you step by step, in the forgiveness process so that you and your husband can continue to walk side by side!